The Bad Boys of Computer Science
A sporadically updated web comic from your friends at HotZP.
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Sporadic Rant:
A little something different today. No comic, but instead an extended rant. I thought I'd share a real life story with you that I always make a point of telling as an anecdote or icebreaker. It's a bit long in written form, and it's much funnier in person because I can act it out, but I'll be surprised if it doesn't provide a guffaw or two. It's a bit on the mean-spirited side, or so I've been told, so take this with a grain of salt as you're reading it.
--- BEGIN STORY ---
Flash back to Freshman year at high school. My friends and I had been congregating at Kurt's locker in the morning before classes began as we did each and every day since the first week of the semester. Now Kurt's locker was conveniently located because it was right next to the guys' restroom and afforded an outstanding view of a gargantuan group of gorgeous girls who also stood around chatting in the morning.
Before I continue the story, let me introduce to you the strange character of Ben. Ben was basically a nice guy at heart; but let's face it, he was somewhat of a nebbish nerdy type (what we refer to as a "Herb" in upstate New York, but "dork" in Indiana -- which is where we were at the time). Now, that's not bad in of itself, but Ben was also the arrogant overbearing type if you ever took a moment to talk to him. He was convinced of his own supreme intelligence and spoke to most people in a fairly condescending and patronizing manner. You knew, deep down, that he didn't mean anything offensive by it, but that didn't stop you from wanting to give him a swift steel-toed boot to the heinie. He was also the typical overachiever, which a lot of people resented (but not our peer group, since we all fell into that group ourselves). Pretty precocious behavior for a 13 year old kid, right?
Back to the story at hand: On one particular Monday morning, the crew is hanging out at Kurt's locker as usual. The flock of winsome lasses is there as well, giggling for all they're worth. Suddenly, we see Ben rushing towards the bathroom from the other end of the hall, running as if Cerberus is chasing him to the gates of Hades. For some reason, he's also clutching his mouth and he looks somewhat paler than usual.
Everyone gets real quiet-like and turns to see this strange spectacle of a strange bespectacled boy, making gagging noises through his clenched hands that cover his mouth. He zooms down the hallway faster at a speed that belies his out-of-shape too-many-donuts body. It becomes clear within the few moments that we've spotted him that his ultimate destination is the bathroom at the other end of the hall, right by Kurt's locker. He starts to slow down as he nears, and we can see him panting and gasping for breath. Just before he gets to the open doorway, he loses his breakfast (and several other past meals, judging by the sheer quantity) all over the floor, covering a large area of ground just in front of the bathroom.
Everybody winces and covers their respective noses as he vomits non-stop for a good minute or two. That doesn't sound like a long time, but believe me, it seemed like an eternity of retching to the rest of us (and probably to Ben as well). He's aware that he's become the focus of attention, and he begins to look around sheepishly as he wipes his vomit-encrusted hands all over the front of his sweater and jeans. He moves to go enter the restroom to clean up, when he SLIPS ON HIS OWN PILE OF VOMIT!
Now the crowd which had been holding its breath lets out a collective roar of laughter. And not just titters and chortles. I'm talking full body, "Oh my God, I have to pee now," doubled over, bladder-busting, involuntary muscle spasm laughter.
And poor Ben. He's weak, obviously, from whatever sickness from which he's ailing, and he struggles to get up. His arms are flailing wildly, and all I can think is, "Look, he's making puke angels."
He flops about some more and a nearby wise guy (who I think was Kurt, though he denies this) shouts above the din of the crowd, "Look! He's fallen and can't get up!" This, of course, totally reignites the gale of laughter which had been threatening to die down. Now I can't say how long we stood there laughing before anyone even made even a weak attempt at rescue. Finally, a teacher who came to see what all the ruckus was about comes and hoists Ben to his feet. The desolate look on Ben's face is what amplifies the humor for me, no matter how cruel that sounds.
It's the face of a disconsolate boy who has already put up with his fair share of teasing and is surely now thinking, "How am I ever going to live this down?" It's no help that the teacher gives everyone a mean glare that shuts them up for a moment. Of course, once the teacher leads Ben around the corner, the laughter begins anew.
The entire event is almost tragic, but it makes a magical journey and transforms into something that is extraordinarily funny instead. I can't say this any better than Mel Brooks already has: "Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into a manhole and die." When I read a story about a man being killed by a turnip that was thrown out of the window of a passing car, I can't help but think that's some damnably funny shit. And I can't restrain the laughter when the policeman on the scene makes a comment about how dangerous thrown vegetables can be. It makes me want to jump on a rooftop and scream aloud to the heavens above, "I'M SORRY I'M SUCH A BAD PERSON, GOD!" even though I'm an atheist.
And poor Ben. The story doesn't end there. Of course he never quite lives this down. A sizeable number of the people who were there (like me) are also in a World History class together with him. And if they weren't there, they've probably heard a distorted account that puts Ben in an even worse light than the view of those who were actually present.
Now we have a lot of projects for that class which can either be group papers or video projects. Obviously, all the students elect to make funny videos filled with far too many cheap fade effects and crack jokes at the other students and the teacher, who is a pretty good-natured guy. Every group's assignment (even Ben's group) after the incident is filled with scene after scene of students imitiating Ben and acting out the puke scene. Wave after wave of vomit jokes and typically puerile and immature scatalogical humor.
I see Ben out of the corner of my eye, cringing with dread with each and every passing presentation. He's practically whimpering like a newly born pup and shrinking in his seat faster than a man in cold water.
And, damn it, I have to laugh.
--- END STORY ---
I might not update for a couple of days, because I'll be working on a Flash animation for the next comic. Since it's summer and I have a little more free time than I do during the academic year, I'd like to experiment a little bit with the strip and do some things like screenshots, stories, and Flash animation. By the time summer classes are in session, I'll probably switch back to a regular comic format.